Back in the spring, I participated in a group on astrology called Astro Story Club. As part of the group, I learned more about birth charts and took a deep dive into my own. The awesome thing I learned about birth (or natal) charts is that they are not your future or fortune, and they aren’t set in stone; instead, they act like a story for your life, offering twists and turns, all while you choose your decisions and directions throughout.
My sun is in Cancer. And so is my moon. This means that I lead with emotion. I present to the world through my emotions, and it’s primarily my emotions that drive my way of being. This is my comfort zone – empathy, sympathy, care, deep love for others. And, this has been my approach to parenting. If I teach my daughter how it feels, to look for her own feelings, she’ll be able to be present in this world.
Needless to say, in my observation, this hasn’t always connected for her. I’ve been worrying over and over that I have not taught her empathy. What if she just never gets it? What if she actually doesn’t care much about others? What if she is a sociopath? Ok, I went from this to majorly that right? But the realness of what we worry about as parents is there. Daily, we worry and we do go to extremes, I am not the only one… In reality, do I think my kid is a sociopath, absolutely not. But she approaches life differently than me, and I admit that I am having trouble understanding that.
One day at Astro Story Club, I overheard the club leader talk about doing a reading for a friend as parents. They did a reading of their child in order to gain some deeper understanding of how to parent. Great idea, I thought. I will admit that I have not done an official in person reading, but I did one online. And it’s all starting to make sense.
She has her sun, moon, and three planets in Aries (Venus, Mars, and Uranus). Aries is the ram. Aries are known for being stubborn, self-willed, obstinate, tenacious. Here are the first couple lines of her reading:
“Aries is an active, energetic sign. People with Sun in Aries are direct, straightforward, and uncomplicated. They expect the same from others, and are baffled when they don’t always get it…their natural inclination is to use their bodies to get things done. They’re not given to long, drawn-out emotional moments; nor are they big on planning ahead. Instead, they live their lives simply. What is happening right now is most important to Aries.”
My kid is going to be a toddler forever…
And here is the parenting advice for parents of toddlers…give your kids a countdown, give them an idea of what’s to come so they know what to expect, set expectations in advance, teach them empathy and how to share feelings, show them how you feel when something happens, teach them how to use other outlets besides their bodies, etc….
This people is my life. I have a little person, who has no interest in making a decision until she has to. And so me, who likes to plan, feels off my game all the time. When she is acting out or not aligning with what values I hope she begins to build, telling her how I feel falls flat. I can’t connect with her because I don’t know how to. Emotions do not drive her in the same way that they do for me. Let me give you an example:
One afternoon, we were sitting out in the sun having lunch at a nearby restaurant and she was sharing how she is learning about the environment and how to take care of it. She tells us that we shouldn’t use plastic bags because sea turtles will think that they are jellyfish and eat them and die. She says that plastic straws are bad too because the wind picks them up and throws them in the ocean where fish will eat them and die. All so sweet right? Yes, and she said all this as she drank lemonade out of a plastic cup with a plastic straw…
That said, I have no doubt that if a sea turtle was actively about to inhale a plastic bag, or if there was a straw floating in the ocean, she’d rush to dive in to stop it.
And I know this because here’s the great part about readings – you also learn why you are awesome as you are. She is going to basically take on the world and do good by it. She is caring, strong, brave, loyal, honest, and the best friend you could ask for. Aries are the least jealous sign and they are one of the most devoted. They want to run the world but they want you too also. They share in and are thrilled by your success. There is little competition unless they aren’t winning too. And it’s never about you winning instead of them, but it’s about them needing to win too. They are brutally honest, but only take the time to be so because they love you deeply and want you to be your best self. Get yourself an Aries friend folks, if you don’t have one already.
I share all this, both in some humor, and also for the reality that we don’t get to shape our kids stories in life. They are born into a larger narrative that they then get to navigate. It is not my role to help her do it. Instead, I can only share my story in the hopes that she finds connection, advice, and community in shared experience. I will never get her to make a decision until in the moment. Even when I do, she changes her mind when the moment comes. But I can make decisions whenever I want to and respect that hers will likely come when she’s ready. I can know that her story takes a different path and both paths are meant to be. I can continue to share my emotions because she needs to learn that others communicate differently than her. I can share that using too much water is harmful to the polar bears and she can decide to use less because it matters to me, someone she loves. And, I can pay the, now, $109 fee to amazon prime every year in order to accommodate her Christmas list that comes on Dec. 22nd or 23rd only because we tell her it’s now or never, and prime shipping is keeping Santa alive in our house…
I will also confess that I looked at the natal chart for my baby. Don’t do it folks, wait until they have set the momentum for their life before you start to understand. Or you’ll know your hopes and dreams of an empty house in their early adulthood years will not happen, since your second child will be in debt due to their overwhelming love for humans who they give all of their money to. But, both charts say they have a great relationship with their mother. So I guess they were both worth the read.
Seriously though folks, I know I made jokes, but this has been super helpful. Try it out, but first read yours. We can’t possibly know how to be parents if we don’t know how we show up in the world. Our stories matter first as parents, and it’s these stories we must share with our kids. If we don’t live our values out loud, they won’t be believe in them, or us.
My first kid was born on the day of a new moon. My second was born the day after a new moon. The time of the new moon is a time for a fresh start, a time for rest to then step out into the world in the way you want to be. I’d say that this speaks pretty well to my children. Blank slates, setting their intentions when they took their first breath in this world. They’ve both been walking towards these intentions every day since, and I get to be the bystander watching them in complete awe.
If you want to know more about natal charts, one website that is pretty straight forward and offers a free natal chart reading is www.cafeastrology.com. I’m also grateful to know many who do readings, so please reach out and I’ll share contact info if you have interest.