The First Few Days at Home - Making a Plan

They sniff in the sweet scent of new baby, sour milk, and the familiar smell of being home. Sitting on the couch, baby asleep on their chest with a belly full of milk, they feel their stomach grumble. They haven’t eaten in hours and are famished. But this baby is so sweet and they don’t want to move….

Post-partum, also known as the 4th trimester, is often overlooked in birth planning. So many of us remember to pack for the hospital, choose what baby will wear home, and determine our medical decisions. But if you are like me, you might overlook what the first few days will look like at home after you give birth. Heck, even what most postpartum looks like!

With my first baby, we experienced some complications that impacted our post-partum plan. Originally, the birth was planned in a birth center, followed by going home to the help of my parents. Instead, less than 24 hours after birth, my baby was whisked to a NICU an hour away, while I sat in recovery. I decided to check myself out early so I could be with her. It took 7 days to finally get her home. We were hardly home long enough to take a breath when the doorbell rang. It was a delivery person from a local takeout and they had a tray of piping hot chicken fettuccine alfredo for us - sent from a friend across the country. The gratitude I felt at someone anticipating my needs before I even said them, was immense. It was a defining moment for me. And it’s what postpartum should look like for birthing people.

Now, I tell my clients to make a postpartum plan - and to be specific. My partner and I prepped a lot after reading what to do on the internet, hoping to meet our needs as well as baby’s. In fact, I spent the final weeks making freezer meals so we’d have quick food to eat. But reality set in when we were finally home - the act of going downstairs to the chest freezer, warming up the oven, and waiting an hour for it to heat up, was really hard. There were so many moments that after a feed she fell asleep in my arms and I wasn’t willing to move, or couldn’t because I was so exhausted. After 7 days in a NICU where she was poked and prodded, and holding her was not always available, we didn’t want to let her go. Many new parents feel the same way, NICU or not. And even so, we need to take care of ourselves in these moments too.

Here’s where preparation for these moments is so crucial. And here are some categories to consider…

FOOD: What will you want to eat and how will you get that food? And I mean go as basic as you can here. Sure, simple foods like mac n cheese, salad, hamburgers, etc are usually very quick and easy to do. But don’t underestimate your exhaustion or your deservingness to have it all ready to go. Meal trains are super helpful, so ask a friend or family member to set one up for you. That way, food is planned by others and that part of decision-making is removed. The other option is to ask for gift cards for delivery services. Set up your favorites in advance so it’s a quick order online to make it happen. And also don’t forget to think about snacks and water. One of my doula clients brilliantly kept a water bottle in every room filled at the ready. Add some snacks and it will all be easy to grab, making it that much easier to care for yourself in these moments. 

HEALING: What supplies do you need to have on hand? Can you prepare some sitz baths in advance or foot soaks? Do you want your own peri bottle? What supplies will you need if you have a c-section scar to care for? Have lots of pads stocked up (tampons can’t be used for lochia*). Consider nipple cream and breast pads. Scatter hair ties among your rooms. Comfy socks too. And definitely buy backup brands. If the first one doesn’t work for you, make sure you have an alternative to try. Worst case, you never use the backups and can have someone return them for you, or you can donate to another parent. 

BABY’S FOOD: Even if you’re exclusively breastfeeding, consider storing milk from another parent or having some formula on hand. Have bottles and different brands to try as not all babies like the same nipples. Have your breast pump bought, cleaned, and ready to use. And no guilt here…this is you planning with a set of tools to be available if and when you need them. It’s much less stressful in tough moments when the tools are at the ready, rather than having to run to the store in hard moments, or any moments postpartum. And remember, you do NOT have to use them.

BABY NEEDS: Here, consider more backup plans. For example, buy a couple of different brands of diapers as they all stay in business because all have their individual brands they do best in (no leaks, fewer blowouts, etc). Where will the baby be sleeping for the first few days? Put together whatever you can before birth so it’s all ready to try out. Not sure if you need something, buy it anyhow or put it on your registry. This includes pacifiers. There are so many recommendations on these, but only you can know if your baby needs them. At 1 month, half asleep while holding my pinky in her mouth, I gave in. My kid was a pacifier baby and I could have saved myself a lot of sleep early on if I hadn’t been so worried about all of the confusing recommendations. 

“TASKS”: When will you bathe the baby? And where? Who is going to change diapers? Who is going to do the baby's laundry (better yet, just use swaddles and skip the clothes - they are cute but they need washing every 7 seconds)? Who will help baby fall asleep if they do not fall asleep at the end of their feed? 

SLEEP: What’s your sleep plan? I will admit that the whole “sleep while the baby sleeps” thing does not work unless you have help. But you need sleep, how will you get it? And when? With my first, my partner always woke up with me. I told him repeatedly to just sleep but he wanted to be there and participate. So instead, I’d feed, and then he’d diaper change. So he’d doze while I fed, and I’d go back to sleep when I handed her over. 

VISITORS: Will you be taking any? If yes, set up some expectations for them - and in advance. Do they need to have certain vaccinations done, test for COVID that morning, use sanitizer before touching baby, be allowed to hold baby, etc? And more importantly, what do you need from them? Request that if they want to visit baby, they need to bring you a meal. I cannot stress this enough when someone asks you what you need - say what you need. Don’t be afraid to ask them to put away the dishes or help clear the sink, take the dog out to pee, etc. Yes, some people ask that question to be polite, but most of us really want to help. And if this makes you uncomfortable, practice making asks in advance. Start with something little and ask your friend to grab some milk on the way to your house. Also, practice saying yes. If someone asks if they can bring lunch over, say yes. 

KIDS & PETS: If you currently have kids, where will they stay those first few days and who will take care of them? Same with pets!

SUPPORT & HELP: What plan do you have in place to ask others to help? A great way to do this is to hire a doula (I’m in Southern Maine if you are too 😉). Or ask one of your friends or family members to organize the rest of them to take care of things for you. Someone could show up at 10 every morning, do your dishes and then sit with the baby while you shower or eat, etc. A doula can come by to help with house chores or play with older kids. (One of my favorite times was hanging with a big sister while baby took a nap and mom showered.) Also, don’t forget the grandparents..they so often desperately want to help but don’t always see what you need. Think about what they’re best at, or what they like to do, and assign that to them. Are they better at keeping us organized because that’s their jam, then ask them to do that. Have they always been a baby whisperer? Then sleep, eat, shower, and pee while they hold babe.  

POSTPARTUM MENTAL HEALTH: Learn about postpartum depression, baby blues, and anxiety before baby comes. It’s important to know the signs and symptoms so you can get the help you need as soon as you can. Your partner(s) should know exactly what to look for, as many partners are the first to notice symptoms. 

UNEXPECTED OUTCOMES: No one likes to think of these, but they are so important to consider. If your hospital or birth center stay is longer than anticipated, who will watch your dog? Or if baby needs to stay and you can go home, how will you get back and forth? Or if you end up with a c-section when you were planning an unmedicated vaginal birth, who can help you lift things; do you have what you need to take care of the incision; who will drive you to appointments etc. 

BONUS: Decide what type of birth control you want to use after if any. And if you know you’d want a tubal ligation if you have a cesarean then sign the paperwork early in your third trimester. Many places require a 30-day waiting period between signing and the procedure, so you can’t choose it last minute. 

Phew, long list I know. But now write it all down. Type it up and print it out. Save it on your phone. Share copies with whoever needs them. Leave a few around the house. Draft emails to family members and friends with specifics for help and support, so they are ready to go. Have all of the phone numbers for your favorite take-out places saved in your phone (plus yours and baby’s doctors). Upload any gift cards you receive for places like door dash or grub hub. 

YOU’VE GOT THIS!

…she reaches for her phone, opens up the door dash app, clicks favorites, chooses her favorite order, and a few clicks later, lunch is on the way. Her neighbor is home from work today so she knows to text them when it’s delivered to bring it in. She’ll have lunch all set soon, so she sits back and sniffs that baby hair one more time. 

P.S. I asked my partner what they would say to add and they said “do nothing”…absolutely nothing. Plan to bond with your partner(s), baby, and family. No visitors, no communication with family, no announcements, just be. 

*Lochia is what the bleeding after birth is called. It’s not technically a period because it’s not the shedding after a typical cycle. It’s also different in that it can be a bit heavier, have some clots in it, and last much longer.