When exactly is postpartum?
So when exactly is postpartum? It’s the time from the second that baby comes earthside until the end of time. Seriously, though. There really isn’t an end date even though society treats it like there is - often confusing it with recovery and/or maternity leave.
This needs to be talked about more because postpartum is the ultimate time for support and community. In a medicalized country, we focus so much on a “healthy” pregnancy and baby, that we overlook the needs of the birthing person. Even worse, the systems are set up to ensure you’re on your own once you have the baby.
Take these for example:
If you’re on state insurance, many kick you off as soon as you give birth
Financial support from the government is hard to come by, with maybe the exception of WIC
There are so many hurdles to jump through to get anything at all
Daycare costs are astronomical
Maternity leave is non-existent
And your first visit after birth comes at 6 weeks… 6 WEEKS!
We need to do better. And it’s time you asked your community to surround you for your upcoming postpartum.
When I first gave birth, everyone couldn’t wait to see the baby…hold the baby…give me adorable little clothes…
The most amazing gift I can remember is the day we came home from the hospital and a delivery person showed up from a local pizza joint. A friend had ordered us a whole tray of chicken fettuccine alfredo. That was the best alfredo I’ve ever eaten and I enjoyed every bite. In comparison, I had others that came by to see me and the baby but would overstay their welcome. I was asked to come and see them through an hour’s drive of traffic.
None of it worked, and I didn’t know any different. Postpartum became lonely, overwhelming, and quite sad to be honest.
So what can you do to change your trajectory? You can ask your people to step in for you. You can give them specific directions as to what you want and need. The majority of people in your life will be more than happy to abide. And for those that don’t, well that’s on them.
What can you ask for?
Bring a meal or snack when they come by
Do a care task around the house like the dishes or folding some laundry
Check to see what they can pick up for you on their way
Limits and time frames for visiting
Boundaries for what visits will look like
For them to take your other child(ren) and/or furry friends for a couple of hours so they too can have a break
Or whatever else will make you and your home function
Postpartum should not be about survival. It should be about community helping you to function so you can be and do whatever you need within that.
In fact, many folks now recommend the 5-5-5 rule:
5 days in bed
5 days in and around your bed
5 days in your home
15 whole days of recovery, care, quiet, and focus…while others help your world function around you and for you.
So how do you make this happen you ask?
Well, you could contact those you love and be specific with what you need. Or you could hire someone like me, a doula or birth coach who is happy to help you set up a plan for postpartum which can include in-person help or admin setup like a meal plan.
But whatever you decide, make sure you have a postpartum plan. You deserve it. 💯
